A lot has been happening with me for the past few months, but I haven't really had the chance to write about it until now. God has really been moving in my life in incredible ways and I am so excited to see what is going to come out of all this.
A couple months ago, I was doing a project on the photographer Dorthea Lange. This incredible lady kindled a passion in me.. she said this:
"While there is perhaps a province in which the photograph can tell us nothing more than what we see with our own eyes, there is another in which it proves to us how little our eyes permits us to see."
This kindled a burning desire to show people what they wouldn't normally be able to see through a picture. I want to show culture, passion, desire, and emotions through one single frame. I began to conveniently run into people who have the same heart as I do, and I was deeply encouraged by this. The passion never left.
Finally, one night, I was laying in my bed and I prayed for Christ to give me an opportunity to branch out and to try out this idea He has placed in my mind. I prayed specifically for a mission trip through the church i could go on. Literally the next day, an application to go to Malawi was placed in my hand. I will be obedient.
I believe Christ wants me to go there, but in order for this to occur, I must raise about $3,000 by mid-may. I am only SLIGHTLY freaking out, but the fact is that if i am really supposed to go, God will make a way for me to get there. Please be praying for patience and peace on my part. The lyric "My God is the God who provides" continues to play throughout my head and I just need to continue to believe it!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
The Scream
So lately, I have had this strong connection with a certain song I wrote a few years back. I played it with my sister for some friends this weekend, and it was as if something about it tugged on my heart. It was then as if God was saying "Alyssa, remember why you wrote it."
This song, in fact, did not start out as a song at all. It all started as a cry out, a passionate cry to God. Sophomore year, while having a depression relapse, I sat in my room and began to write down everything I was thinking. At first, it started out as just a couplet rhyme, then it turned into a whole poem, or psalm.
This was written on 12/29/08:
I long for you but you are already here.
I search for you when you are standing next to me.
I look through the mountains day-by-day in the hope to be able to get a glimpse of you on the horizon.
When I asked where you were, you say: I created that sunset just for you, daughter.
I search through everything of the world to satisfy.
Even when i know You alone can do that.
I dream of you and ask why i don't actually see it happening.
You say: your heart is open but your mind is unsure.
My heart detests my mind for holding me back from your love.
I wonder EVERYDAY why you love ME?!
You respond: don't ask, just recieve and spread.
I scream all through the night, hoping for an answer.
But you are whispering.
I can't hear you through all my noise.
Those demons whisper that I'm not good enough
They lure me in, and then leave me out to dry.
But you stay and console me when i cry.
You soak me in your glorious rain.
Your rain soaks through all my dry cracks and crevaces,
leaving me to thirst no more.
My heart is longing for more of you, Daddy.
My feet long to walk your path.
However, the world and my mind hold me back from you.
The world showers me with words made of knives.
I try to ignore the knives that are sticking into my back,
but they enable me to stand.
You are the only one who can cause those deep wounds to heal.
You pull out the knives and wipe my scars and bloody heart
You clear the tears from my eyes.
And you hold me
And you comfort me
And I cry out to You.
You cry with me
And put all my burdens I gave to you on YOUR shoulders.
Willingly.
It is amazing when God takes a hold of your pen...
it's amazing where He'll take it.
This song, in fact, did not start out as a song at all. It all started as a cry out, a passionate cry to God. Sophomore year, while having a depression relapse, I sat in my room and began to write down everything I was thinking. At first, it started out as just a couplet rhyme, then it turned into a whole poem, or psalm.
This was written on 12/29/08:
I long for you but you are already here.
I search for you when you are standing next to me.
I look through the mountains day-by-day in the hope to be able to get a glimpse of you on the horizon.
When I asked where you were, you say: I created that sunset just for you, daughter.
I search through everything of the world to satisfy.
Even when i know You alone can do that.
I dream of you and ask why i don't actually see it happening.
You say: your heart is open but your mind is unsure.
My heart detests my mind for holding me back from your love.
I wonder EVERYDAY why you love ME?!
You respond: don't ask, just recieve and spread.
I scream all through the night, hoping for an answer.
But you are whispering.
I can't hear you through all my noise.
Those demons whisper that I'm not good enough
They lure me in, and then leave me out to dry.
But you stay and console me when i cry.
You soak me in your glorious rain.
Your rain soaks through all my dry cracks and crevaces,
leaving me to thirst no more.
My heart is longing for more of you, Daddy.
My feet long to walk your path.
However, the world and my mind hold me back from you.
The world showers me with words made of knives.
I try to ignore the knives that are sticking into my back,
but they enable me to stand.
You are the only one who can cause those deep wounds to heal.
You pull out the knives and wipe my scars and bloody heart
You clear the tears from my eyes.
And you hold me
And you comfort me
And I cry out to You.
You cry with me
And put all my burdens I gave to you on YOUR shoulders.
Willingly.
It is amazing when God takes a hold of your pen...
it's amazing where He'll take it.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Insights on the Bachelor
So here's the situation:
You are a 29 year old, beautiful, confident woman looking for her soul mate. You could try dating sites, or just sighting a boy in your local coffee shop, but no that would be too easy. You decide to try to be on "The Bachelor". You don't know or haven't even seen the guy that will be on the show, but you assume that he'll be cute and will have some sort of personality. You send in your picture and profile to ABC and pray that out of a million girls, you will be one of the 20 or more girls shown to have a chance with your mystery man.
Surprise!!
You have been chosen to have a chance with your mystery man. You are taken in a limo to meet this guy, and you're absolutely freaking out. Will he complete your fairytale? You step out of the limo, and look into his eyes. He's pretty stinking hot. You're waiting for that one connection, that one look. You slowly walk up the stairs into the stranger's arms. You embrace, he says "hi, how are you?" "AND NEXT!" You are rudely interrupted by a scream from backstage, and another limo pulls up with another girl in the car who has the same exact dreams as you do. You walk into the house, praying for a better tomorrow.
When you walk in the house, to your surprise, you see 20 other girls talking to eachother and waiting. You realize your chances are slim as you look at that one rose. That one rose that determines your future with this guy you know nothing about. Suddenly, things are rushing back at you. All the stuff you left behind is being flashed back into your face. You left behind your job, your family, and you put your future on hold for this guy you don't even know and that you have a slim chance of even getting.
I hope it's worth it.
You are a 29 year old, beautiful, confident woman looking for her soul mate. You could try dating sites, or just sighting a boy in your local coffee shop, but no that would be too easy. You decide to try to be on "The Bachelor". You don't know or haven't even seen the guy that will be on the show, but you assume that he'll be cute and will have some sort of personality. You send in your picture and profile to ABC and pray that out of a million girls, you will be one of the 20 or more girls shown to have a chance with your mystery man.
Surprise!!
You have been chosen to have a chance with your mystery man. You are taken in a limo to meet this guy, and you're absolutely freaking out. Will he complete your fairytale? You step out of the limo, and look into his eyes. He's pretty stinking hot. You're waiting for that one connection, that one look. You slowly walk up the stairs into the stranger's arms. You embrace, he says "hi, how are you?" "AND NEXT!" You are rudely interrupted by a scream from backstage, and another limo pulls up with another girl in the car who has the same exact dreams as you do. You walk into the house, praying for a better tomorrow.
When you walk in the house, to your surprise, you see 20 other girls talking to eachother and waiting. You realize your chances are slim as you look at that one rose. That one rose that determines your future with this guy you know nothing about. Suddenly, things are rushing back at you. All the stuff you left behind is being flashed back into your face. You left behind your job, your family, and you put your future on hold for this guy you don't even know and that you have a slim chance of even getting.
I hope it's worth it.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Peace
A normal Senior in high school would daily avoid the question "What are you doing next year?" and when that question is asked, they are completely unsure of how to answer it. However, I have the opposite feeling on it.
I am ridiculously pumped about what is ahead of me, and I love when people ask me what i'm doing because that gives me an opportunity to talk about it.
So here it goes:
Hi, my name is Alyssa Baldwin. I will be attending the University of Tennessee Chattanooga next year to study Business and Photography.
I'm soooo freaking excited.
I am ridiculously pumped about what is ahead of me, and I love when people ask me what i'm doing because that gives me an opportunity to talk about it.
So here it goes:
Hi, my name is Alyssa Baldwin. I will be attending the University of Tennessee Chattanooga next year to study Business and Photography.
I'm soooo freaking excited.
Friday, January 7, 2011
"Keep on the lookout for hearts..."
This week was not the best of weeks, at all. I have been brought down a lot. I found myself being angry all the time, and when I'm angry and don't let that anger go, it's easy for my anger to turn into straight up bitterness. I found my smile fading.
Today, my mom walked in the house and said, "Alyssa.. you have something in the mail." I opened it up and to my surprise, it was a letter I wrote to myself at summer camp. HK told us to write letters to ourselves and she'd send them to us at random. I opened it up and first opened up the letter that had all the encouragements from my close friends. They said sweet things I needed to hear. However, when I opened up my own letter and this is what it said:
Dear Alyssa,
Don't forget what you learned at this camp. Anger and bitterness continues to take a toll on you, and you learned to let it go. Don't let that back into your life. Look at the note enclosed inside and remember how many people love you. You aren't alone, no matter how alone you may feel. Don't let fear keep you from doing what God wants you to do in life. He's got so many important things planned for you, it's ridiculous. Don't lose your joy. People cannot strip you of that. Keep your passions alive. Don't forget to love deeply.
Keep on the look out for hearts,
Alyssa.
Today, my mom walked in the house and said, "Alyssa.. you have something in the mail." I opened it up and to my surprise, it was a letter I wrote to myself at summer camp. HK told us to write letters to ourselves and she'd send them to us at random. I opened it up and first opened up the letter that had all the encouragements from my close friends. They said sweet things I needed to hear. However, when I opened up my own letter and this is what it said:
Dear Alyssa,
Don't forget what you learned at this camp. Anger and bitterness continues to take a toll on you, and you learned to let it go. Don't let that back into your life. Look at the note enclosed inside and remember how many people love you. You aren't alone, no matter how alone you may feel. Don't let fear keep you from doing what God wants you to do in life. He's got so many important things planned for you, it's ridiculous. Don't lose your joy. People cannot strip you of that. Keep your passions alive. Don't forget to love deeply.
Keep on the look out for hearts,
Alyssa.
Monday, January 3, 2011
2011
As 2011 rolled around 3 days ago, I swore to myself that I would not make any resolutions this year that I knew for a fact I couldn't keep. I chose some "little" changes I can make throughout the year, one of them, I am beginning right now.
1. Start a blog people might actually read:
Yes xanga is nice, but I only had two solid viewers. (However, my last blog had 75 views... weird huh?)
2. Don't Fear Love:
It is so hard to let people influence your idea of love. Being hurt, being left behind has caused me to almost have a fear of love. I need to take my own advice and realize that people are always going to disappoint me, but that doesn't mean I need to run away.
3. Worry Less:
I, as a Baldwin, have the fear of not being in control. I usually have the stupid idea that if i have the wheel, then everything will be fine and everything will work out ok. Doesn't take me long to realize I am wrong. I believe I need to take less time worrying about what is going on, and focusing on living.
4.Take more time to do what you love:
I get so busy with life, that I forget to spend time to do what I love most. It is very important for me to remember these passions exist :).
5. Get Priorities Straight:
So many times of my life I forget to what is more important in life... I need help with that. :)
If anyone reads this, hold me accountable. I can't do it alone!
1. Start a blog people might actually read:
Yes xanga is nice, but I only had two solid viewers. (However, my last blog had 75 views... weird huh?)
2. Don't Fear Love:
It is so hard to let people influence your idea of love. Being hurt, being left behind has caused me to almost have a fear of love. I need to take my own advice and realize that people are always going to disappoint me, but that doesn't mean I need to run away.
3. Worry Less:
I, as a Baldwin, have the fear of not being in control. I usually have the stupid idea that if i have the wheel, then everything will be fine and everything will work out ok. Doesn't take me long to realize I am wrong. I believe I need to take less time worrying about what is going on, and focusing on living.
4.Take more time to do what you love:
I get so busy with life, that I forget to spend time to do what I love most. It is very important for me to remember these passions exist :).
5. Get Priorities Straight:
So many times of my life I forget to what is more important in life... I need help with that. :)
If anyone reads this, hold me accountable. I can't do it alone!
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