Malawi

On May 5, I grabbed all my packed bags and headed to the airport to go to Malawi for the second time. So many questions were running through my head:

   Will they remember me?      Will this trip be better or worse than the last one? 

                         

                                Will this be my last trip?

As we entered the country, my heart was both excited and confused as to what was going to come of Malawi and me. I never know how close I am allowed to get to people since I will only know them for such a short time. I never know how close my heart will allow me to get to people.

As the trip went on, I met new and old friends. I had been both remembered and forgotten, but all I cared about was the couple kids who remembered me. I had made an impact. I had been both blessed and cursed with an incurable love for a country and of a specific group of people. God reminded me that I had a heart for something that I had begun to forget about:

I love people.

I love Malawi.

and my heart is not finished there.

My first semester.

Every time i run into someone they always ask the obvious question:

How was your first semester?

The fact is, I cannot describe that in one simple word. Some people I just look at and say the simple: "It was fine. I love college.", but in order to truly understand my first semester, we must grab coffee.

My first semester was:
Fun, New, adventurous, exciting, terrifying, fresh, eye-opening, frustrating, intimidating, encouraging, full-of-life, overwhelming.


Out of all those words, the word overwhelming would best describe the experience I had. I was overwhelmed with God's faithfulness, His abundance of grace, and his provision.
Now, I am calm.
and i can breathe.

Study abroad.

Here i sit, reflecting on the lunch i just had with my good friend Courtney Lanier. It was so encouraging to sit across from her and realize that we both have the same heart for missions, and that we both want to go to the same places. We both sat at the table and dreamed for an hour about what it would be like to live in South Africa together for 4 months. The thought made me get so excited, and i believe that that lunch was very important. It got me passionate again.

As soon as i finished lunch with her, i was so so eager to tell people. I wanted to tell everyone, but to my surprise, everyone was not as excited for me as i thought they would be. Then reality set in: In this passion that i have, i am not normal and not everyone understands. I remember my sister talking about this, but i just never got it but now i do. It definitely is frustrating and it hurts when people do not have enough faith in God to realize that and earthly thing like money can be taken care of.
But here i stand. Ready to prove them wrong.
Tell me my God can't do it?
...
that's what i thought :)

Priorities.

Here I am, in my 4th week of college, and words cannot describe how blessed I am. I am finally making quality friends, and I am thoroughly enjoying my experience. Since all is going well, Satan seems to have been making an even bigger attack towards me.

For the past few weeks, i have been praying and such, but i have not really had the chance to dig into the Word as much as would have liked to. College is such a busy time in your life and it's so easy to get sucked into all that is happening instead of doing other things.. like digging into God's Word. I slowly watched myself getting more and more unhappy. I got angry at all the little things, jealousy would enrage me,  I was having TERRIBLE nightmares ( which still haven't stopped), i would wake up in the middle of the night feeling as though someone was watching me, and apparently the other night i sleep walked?  At that point at the night, fear would overtake my body, leaving me more vulnerable, but of course i did not even think of all these things happening due to spiritual warfare.

I called my sister Amanda after one awful nightmare that i had, because it just seemed straight up demonic. She called it out as that and she asked me one simple question: "Have you been in the Word".. i was ashamed and embarrassed to say, "... uh... not really".  She encouraged me to go home and pray over my room, for i hadn't even done that yet. I was so used to the safe haven at home, that i forgot that all places are not like that :)

So i went home, prayed for about an hour. I got rid of all my anger and frustrations, put them all in God's hands, and literally i felt as though the room felt lighter.  I felt happier and at peace, for all of that crap stirring up my heart had disappeared.  That night, i did have a dream, but it did not wake up sweating or crying.. that's an improvement :)

I got to talk to one of my friends, Courtney, who is a junior, and she told me that I was reliving her freshman year. She told me to continue to pray, and to be in the Word. I am thankful to have someone who knows exactly what i'm talking about, and to not think I am crazy. I'm pretty sure my roommate thinks i am!

Praying the nightmares fade away...
Alyssa

College :)

So, here i am. Sitting in my dorm room.

I somehow think i am going home tomorrow and that I am just at camp.

Well i've set up shop... gone to some orientation deals (only slightly boring) and hitting up some hot spots in Chattanooga with my friends Andrea, Erin, Zach, and Chris.

i think i'm gonna like this place :)

Goodbyes.

        Over the past 2 months, it seems like saying "goodbye" has been all i have been doing. I had to say goodbye to my kids in Malawi, I had to say goodbye to my extended family until the next "Baldwin family reunion", and now I am beginning the process of saying goodbye to some of my favorite people whom I have truly walked life with. I am beginning to pack up my life into little boxes (which i probably should have done about 2 weeks ago) and move on. I realize that i am going to be moving on to bigger and better things, however there is a part of me that just wants to hold on to everything that i have been doing here. I understand God does not call me to just forget about everything and everyone here, in fact, that's the opposite, however, i do need to let go of some things and people in order to move on.  I have also noticed that God has completely changed my heart since I've gotten back from Africa. I genuinely feel like a new person.
        On the subject of Africa, i truly believe that God is not done with me there. Honestly, all i can think of are those kids. I dream about them every night, and I truly believe God would not place these people on my heart if he didn't have a plan for me and this passion. I cry almost every night, for I miss the culture and the heart of the people there (if you really knew me, you would know that i never cry...)  I dont' believe that passion is in me for no reason. I know God has a plan, and He has his own timing, but i just wish his time would move faster. I miss Africa terribly.
       As for you people who are reading this, we are most likely close, since you got this far down to the bottom of this letter. I would like you to know that you will always be in my heart. You have made a great impact on me and on my growth and i want to thank you for everything you have done for me!! Please Please, skype me, message me, and don't be hesitant to call.
i love you all.
Until I get to Chatt Town...
Alyssa

Malawi Love.

Dear Readers (all 3 of you),
          I know most of you who actually read this, I will take to coffee talk about this with you personally, but it made me feel better to type it out and get if off my chest. When stuff like this happens to you, all you want to do is tell people. My poor family got an earful last night, and they didn't even hear close to all of it.
         If you didn't know, I travelled to Lilongwe, Malawi in Africa a couple of weeks ago with a team of about 10 people in order to serve the people of Malawi in any way. One of the main things we did was we did VBS for a village/school called Adziwa, or "He Knows" in Chichewa. We got the ability to hang out with kids from ages 1-20 to share God's love with them, and just let them know they are truly loved by someone!  These kids captured my heart and they continue to haunt my mind. I cannot get them out of my head, and i cannot look at my pictures i took, for i can't without crying.
         The VBS program started last Monday, and it all ran smoothly, and the kids absolutely loved it. However, there was one girl who seemed upset about it. Her name was Abena and she was 15 years old. When asked why she didn't like it, she said " The time was too small".
        That Monday, we also found out there were going to be protests, or demonstrations as they call it, on Wednesday due to the ignorance of the president and the fact that they want him out of the office immediately. When we heard this, we just didnt' really know what to think about it. It could be small, it could be big... i mean. "T.I.A." (This is Africa). We waited until Tuesday night to decide what to do, and we decided since we would be pretty big targets in a situation like this, that we would stay in the lodge we stayed at. The people who worked there were very very kind and considerate of us. They truly made us feel at home. That day, we worked on and painted bookshelves for the library for the kids in Adziwa. We made a TON of bookshelves and i am so excited for the children to be able to use that library. One of the workers, Luis, came outside to where we were painting and said "can i try?" he had this happy grin on his face. Of course, we let him try, saying "You can do as MANY as you want" and he took the brush. I have never seen a grown man so happy and excited. When he accidentally got paint on his pants and someone apologized about it, he said "it's ok... i look down, and i remember. I remember your kindness... you will always be a part of our family."
           The next day, we decided we were going to try to go out. We had heard it was peaceful and the US embassy hadn't called us, so we started to make our way. Long story short, and if you wanna hear about this 24 moment later, i'll be happy to tell you in person, it was not safe...the mob was coming our way... and TK got us out of there.  It was epic.
            I need to stop while i am ahead, for this blog could be about 50 pages of stories, but i need to end with this. Malawi is forever imprinted on my heart. God is not done with my heart and Malawi. I love everything about it way too much. Now i am praying that my heart and mind is open to where ever God leads me.... "Here i am send me"


Alyssa