The Past Few Months

A lot has been happening with me for the past few months, but I haven't really had the chance to write about it until now. God has really been moving in my life in incredible ways and I am so excited to see what is going to come out of all this.

A couple months ago, I was doing a project on the photographer Dorthea Lange. This incredible lady kindled a passion in me.. she said this:

"While there is perhaps a province in which the photograph can tell us nothing more than what we see with our own eyes, there is another in which it proves to us how little our eyes permits us to see."

This kindled a burning desire to show people what they wouldn't normally be able to see through a picture. I want to show culture, passion, desire, and emotions through one single frame. I began to conveniently run into people who have the same heart as I do, and I was deeply encouraged by this. The passion never left.

Finally, one night, I was laying in my bed and I prayed for Christ to give me an opportunity to branch out and to try out this idea He has placed in my mind. I prayed specifically for a mission trip through the church i could go on. Literally the next day, an application to go to Malawi was placed in my hand. I will be obedient.

I believe Christ wants me to go there, but in order for this to occur, I must raise about $3,000 by mid-may. I am only SLIGHTLY freaking out, but the fact is that if i am really supposed to go, God will make a way for me to get there. Please be praying for patience and peace on my part. The lyric "My God is the God who provides" continues to play throughout my head and I just need to continue to believe it!

The Scream

So lately, I have had this strong connection with a certain song I wrote a few years back. I played it with my sister for some friends this weekend, and it was as if something about it tugged on my heart. It was then as if God was saying "Alyssa, remember why you wrote it."

This song, in fact, did not start out as a song at all. It all started as a cry out, a passionate cry to God. Sophomore year, while having a depression relapse, I sat in my room and began to write down everything I was thinking. At first, it started out as just a couplet rhyme, then it turned into a whole poem, or psalm.
This was written on 12/29/08:

I long for you but you are already here.
I search for you when you are standing next to me.
I look through the mountains day-by-day in the hope to be able to get a glimpse of you on the horizon.
When I asked where you were, you say: I created that sunset just for you, daughter.
I search through everything of the world to satisfy.
Even when i know You alone can do that.
I dream of you and ask why i don't actually see it happening.
You say: your heart is open but your mind is unsure.
My heart detests my mind for holding me back from your love.
I wonder EVERYDAY why you love ME?!
You respond: don't ask, just recieve and spread.
I scream all through the night, hoping for an answer.
But you are whispering.
I can't hear you through all my noise.
Those demons whisper that I'm not good enough
They lure me in, and then leave me out to dry.
But you stay and console me when i cry.
You soak me in your glorious rain.
Your rain soaks through all my dry cracks and crevaces,
leaving me to thirst no more.
My heart is longing for more of you, Daddy.
My feet long to walk your path.
However, the world and my mind hold me back from you.
The world showers me with words made of knives.
I try to ignore the knives that are sticking into my back,
but they enable me to stand.
You are the only one who can cause those deep wounds to heal.
You pull out the knives and wipe my scars and bloody heart
You clear the tears from my eyes.
And you hold me
And you comfort me
And I cry out to You.
You cry with me
And put all my burdens I gave to you on YOUR shoulders.
Willingly.


It is amazing when God takes a hold of your pen...
it's amazing where He'll take it.