The Scream

So lately, I have had this strong connection with a certain song I wrote a few years back. I played it with my sister for some friends this weekend, and it was as if something about it tugged on my heart. It was then as if God was saying "Alyssa, remember why you wrote it."

This song, in fact, did not start out as a song at all. It all started as a cry out, a passionate cry to God. Sophomore year, while having a depression relapse, I sat in my room and began to write down everything I was thinking. At first, it started out as just a couplet rhyme, then it turned into a whole poem, or psalm.
This was written on 12/29/08:

I long for you but you are already here.
I search for you when you are standing next to me.
I look through the mountains day-by-day in the hope to be able to get a glimpse of you on the horizon.
When I asked where you were, you say: I created that sunset just for you, daughter.
I search through everything of the world to satisfy.
Even when i know You alone can do that.
I dream of you and ask why i don't actually see it happening.
You say: your heart is open but your mind is unsure.
My heart detests my mind for holding me back from your love.
I wonder EVERYDAY why you love ME?!
You respond: don't ask, just recieve and spread.
I scream all through the night, hoping for an answer.
But you are whispering.
I can't hear you through all my noise.
Those demons whisper that I'm not good enough
They lure me in, and then leave me out to dry.
But you stay and console me when i cry.
You soak me in your glorious rain.
Your rain soaks through all my dry cracks and crevaces,
leaving me to thirst no more.
My heart is longing for more of you, Daddy.
My feet long to walk your path.
However, the world and my mind hold me back from you.
The world showers me with words made of knives.
I try to ignore the knives that are sticking into my back,
but they enable me to stand.
You are the only one who can cause those deep wounds to heal.
You pull out the knives and wipe my scars and bloody heart
You clear the tears from my eyes.
And you hold me
And you comfort me
And I cry out to You.
You cry with me
And put all my burdens I gave to you on YOUR shoulders.
Willingly.


It is amazing when God takes a hold of your pen...
it's amazing where He'll take it.