Every time i run into someone they always ask the obvious question:
How was your first semester?
The fact is, I cannot describe that in one simple word. Some people I just look at and say the simple: "It was fine. I love college.", but in order to truly understand my first semester, we must grab coffee.
My first semester was:
Fun, New, adventurous, exciting, terrifying, fresh, eye-opening, frustrating, intimidating, encouraging, full-of-life, overwhelming.
Out of all those words, the word overwhelming would best describe the experience I had. I was overwhelmed with God's faithfulness, His abundance of grace, and his provision.
Now, I am calm.
and i can breathe.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Study abroad.
Here i sit, reflecting on the lunch i just had with my good friend Courtney Lanier. It was so encouraging to sit across from her and realize that we both have the same heart for missions, and that we both want to go to the same places. We both sat at the table and dreamed for an hour about what it would be like to live in South Africa together for 4 months. The thought made me get so excited, and i believe that that lunch was very important. It got me passionate again.
As soon as i finished lunch with her, i was so so eager to tell people. I wanted to tell everyone, but to my surprise, everyone was not as excited for me as i thought they would be. Then reality set in: In this passion that i have, i am not normal and not everyone understands. I remember my sister talking about this, but i just never got it but now i do. It definitely is frustrating and it hurts when people do not have enough faith in God to realize that and earthly thing like money can be taken care of.
But here i stand. Ready to prove them wrong.
Tell me my God can't do it?
...
that's what i thought :)
As soon as i finished lunch with her, i was so so eager to tell people. I wanted to tell everyone, but to my surprise, everyone was not as excited for me as i thought they would be. Then reality set in: In this passion that i have, i am not normal and not everyone understands. I remember my sister talking about this, but i just never got it but now i do. It definitely is frustrating and it hurts when people do not have enough faith in God to realize that and earthly thing like money can be taken care of.
But here i stand. Ready to prove them wrong.
Tell me my God can't do it?
...
that's what i thought :)
Monday, September 12, 2011
Priorities.
Here I am, in my 4th week of college, and words cannot describe how blessed I am. I am finally making quality friends, and I am thoroughly enjoying my experience. Since all is going well, Satan seems to have been making an even bigger attack towards me.
For the past few weeks, i have been praying and such, but i have not really had the chance to dig into the Word as much as would have liked to. College is such a busy time in your life and it's so easy to get sucked into all that is happening instead of doing other things.. like digging into God's Word. I slowly watched myself getting more and more unhappy. I got angry at all the little things, jealousy would enrage me, I was having TERRIBLE nightmares ( which still haven't stopped), i would wake up in the middle of the night feeling as though someone was watching me, and apparently the other night i sleep walked? At that point at the night, fear would overtake my body, leaving me more vulnerable, but of course i did not even think of all these things happening due to spiritual warfare.
I called my sister Amanda after one awful nightmare that i had, because it just seemed straight up demonic. She called it out as that and she asked me one simple question: "Have you been in the Word".. i was ashamed and embarrassed to say, "... uh... not really". She encouraged me to go home and pray over my room, for i hadn't even done that yet. I was so used to the safe haven at home, that i forgot that all places are not like that :)
So i went home, prayed for about an hour. I got rid of all my anger and frustrations, put them all in God's hands, and literally i felt as though the room felt lighter. I felt happier and at peace, for all of that crap stirring up my heart had disappeared. That night, i did have a dream, but it did not wake up sweating or crying.. that's an improvement :)
I got to talk to one of my friends, Courtney, who is a junior, and she told me that I was reliving her freshman year. She told me to continue to pray, and to be in the Word. I am thankful to have someone who knows exactly what i'm talking about, and to not think I am crazy. I'm pretty sure my roommate thinks i am!
Praying the nightmares fade away...
Alyssa
For the past few weeks, i have been praying and such, but i have not really had the chance to dig into the Word as much as would have liked to. College is such a busy time in your life and it's so easy to get sucked into all that is happening instead of doing other things.. like digging into God's Word. I slowly watched myself getting more and more unhappy. I got angry at all the little things, jealousy would enrage me, I was having TERRIBLE nightmares ( which still haven't stopped), i would wake up in the middle of the night feeling as though someone was watching me, and apparently the other night i sleep walked? At that point at the night, fear would overtake my body, leaving me more vulnerable, but of course i did not even think of all these things happening due to spiritual warfare.
I called my sister Amanda after one awful nightmare that i had, because it just seemed straight up demonic. She called it out as that and she asked me one simple question: "Have you been in the Word".. i was ashamed and embarrassed to say, "... uh... not really". She encouraged me to go home and pray over my room, for i hadn't even done that yet. I was so used to the safe haven at home, that i forgot that all places are not like that :)
So i went home, prayed for about an hour. I got rid of all my anger and frustrations, put them all in God's hands, and literally i felt as though the room felt lighter. I felt happier and at peace, for all of that crap stirring up my heart had disappeared. That night, i did have a dream, but it did not wake up sweating or crying.. that's an improvement :)
I got to talk to one of my friends, Courtney, who is a junior, and she told me that I was reliving her freshman year. She told me to continue to pray, and to be in the Word. I am thankful to have someone who knows exactly what i'm talking about, and to not think I am crazy. I'm pretty sure my roommate thinks i am!
Praying the nightmares fade away...
Alyssa
Friday, August 19, 2011
College :)
So, here i am. Sitting in my dorm room.
I somehow think i am going home tomorrow and that I am just at camp.
Well i've set up shop... gone to some orientation deals (only slightly boring) and hitting up some hot spots in Chattanooga with my friends Andrea, Erin, Zach, and Chris.
i think i'm gonna like this place :)
I somehow think i am going home tomorrow and that I am just at camp.
Well i've set up shop... gone to some orientation deals (only slightly boring) and hitting up some hot spots in Chattanooga with my friends Andrea, Erin, Zach, and Chris.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Goodbyes.
Over the past 2 months, it seems like saying "goodbye" has been all i have been doing. I had to say goodbye to my kids in Malawi, I had to say goodbye to my extended family until the next "Baldwin family reunion", and now I am beginning the process of saying goodbye to some of my favorite people whom I have truly walked life with. I am beginning to pack up my life into little boxes (which i probably should have done about 2 weeks ago) and move on. I realize that i am going to be moving on to bigger and better things, however there is a part of me that just wants to hold on to everything that i have been doing here. I understand God does not call me to just forget about everything and everyone here, in fact, that's the opposite, however, i do need to let go of some things and people in order to move on. I have also noticed that God has completely changed my heart since I've gotten back from Africa. I genuinely feel like a new person.
On the subject of Africa, i truly believe that God is not done with me there. Honestly, all i can think of are those kids. I dream about them every night, and I truly believe God would not place these people on my heart if he didn't have a plan for me and this passion. I cry almost every night, for I miss the culture and the heart of the people there (if you really knew me, you would know that i never cry...) I dont' believe that passion is in me for no reason. I know God has a plan, and He has his own timing, but i just wish his time would move faster. I miss Africa terribly.
As for you people who are reading this, we are most likely close, since you got this far down to the bottom of this letter. I would like you to know that you will always be in my heart. You have made a great impact on me and on my growth and i want to thank you for everything you have done for me!! Please Please, skype me, message me, and don't be hesitant to call.
i love you all.
Until I get to Chatt Town...
Alyssa
On the subject of Africa, i truly believe that God is not done with me there. Honestly, all i can think of are those kids. I dream about them every night, and I truly believe God would not place these people on my heart if he didn't have a plan for me and this passion. I cry almost every night, for I miss the culture and the heart of the people there (if you really knew me, you would know that i never cry...) I dont' believe that passion is in me for no reason. I know God has a plan, and He has his own timing, but i just wish his time would move faster. I miss Africa terribly.
As for you people who are reading this, we are most likely close, since you got this far down to the bottom of this letter. I would like you to know that you will always be in my heart. You have made a great impact on me and on my growth and i want to thank you for everything you have done for me!! Please Please, skype me, message me, and don't be hesitant to call.
i love you all.
Until I get to Chatt Town...
Alyssa
Monday, July 25, 2011
Malawi Love.
Dear Readers (all 3 of you),
I know most of you who actually read this, I will take to coffee talk about this with you personally, but it made me feel better to type it out and get if off my chest. When stuff like this happens to you, all you want to do is tell people. My poor family got an earful last night, and they didn't even hear close to all of it.
If you didn't know, I travelled to Lilongwe, Malawi in Africa a couple of weeks ago with a team of about 10 people in order to serve the people of Malawi in any way. One of the main things we did was we did VBS for a village/school called Adziwa, or "He Knows" in Chichewa. We got the ability to hang out with kids from ages 1-20 to share God's love with them, and just let them know they are truly loved by someone! These kids captured my heart and they continue to haunt my mind. I cannot get them out of my head, and i cannot look at my pictures i took, for i can't without crying.
The VBS program started last Monday, and it all ran smoothly, and the kids absolutely loved it. However, there was one girl who seemed upset about it. Her name was Abena and she was 15 years old. When asked why she didn't like it, she said " The time was too small".
That Monday, we also found out there were going to be protests, or demonstrations as they call it, on Wednesday due to the ignorance of the president and the fact that they want him out of the office immediately. When we heard this, we just didnt' really know what to think about it. It could be small, it could be big... i mean. "T.I.A." (This is Africa). We waited until Tuesday night to decide what to do, and we decided since we would be pretty big targets in a situation like this, that we would stay in the lodge we stayed at. The people who worked there were very very kind and considerate of us. They truly made us feel at home. That day, we worked on and painted bookshelves for the library for the kids in Adziwa. We made a TON of bookshelves and i am so excited for the children to be able to use that library. One of the workers, Luis, came outside to where we were painting and said "can i try?" he had this happy grin on his face. Of course, we let him try, saying "You can do as MANY as you want" and he took the brush. I have never seen a grown man so happy and excited. When he accidentally got paint on his pants and someone apologized about it, he said "it's ok... i look down, and i remember. I remember your kindness... you will always be a part of our family."
The next day, we decided we were going to try to go out. We had heard it was peaceful and the US embassy hadn't called us, so we started to make our way. Long story short, and if you wanna hear about this 24 moment later, i'll be happy to tell you in person, it was not safe...the mob was coming our way... and TK got us out of there. It was epic.
I need to stop while i am ahead, for this blog could be about 50 pages of stories, but i need to end with this. Malawi is forever imprinted on my heart. God is not done with my heart and Malawi. I love everything about it way too much. Now i am praying that my heart and mind is open to where ever God leads me.... "Here i am send me"
Alyssa
I know most of you who actually read this, I will take to coffee talk about this with you personally, but it made me feel better to type it out and get if off my chest. When stuff like this happens to you, all you want to do is tell people. My poor family got an earful last night, and they didn't even hear close to all of it.
If you didn't know, I travelled to Lilongwe, Malawi in Africa a couple of weeks ago with a team of about 10 people in order to serve the people of Malawi in any way. One of the main things we did was we did VBS for a village/school called Adziwa, or "He Knows" in Chichewa. We got the ability to hang out with kids from ages 1-20 to share God's love with them, and just let them know they are truly loved by someone! These kids captured my heart and they continue to haunt my mind. I cannot get them out of my head, and i cannot look at my pictures i took, for i can't without crying.
The VBS program started last Monday, and it all ran smoothly, and the kids absolutely loved it. However, there was one girl who seemed upset about it. Her name was Abena and she was 15 years old. When asked why she didn't like it, she said " The time was too small".
That Monday, we also found out there were going to be protests, or demonstrations as they call it, on Wednesday due to the ignorance of the president and the fact that they want him out of the office immediately. When we heard this, we just didnt' really know what to think about it. It could be small, it could be big... i mean. "T.I.A." (This is Africa). We waited until Tuesday night to decide what to do, and we decided since we would be pretty big targets in a situation like this, that we would stay in the lodge we stayed at. The people who worked there were very very kind and considerate of us. They truly made us feel at home. That day, we worked on and painted bookshelves for the library for the kids in Adziwa. We made a TON of bookshelves and i am so excited for the children to be able to use that library. One of the workers, Luis, came outside to where we were painting and said "can i try?" he had this happy grin on his face. Of course, we let him try, saying "You can do as MANY as you want" and he took the brush. I have never seen a grown man so happy and excited. When he accidentally got paint on his pants and someone apologized about it, he said "it's ok... i look down, and i remember. I remember your kindness... you will always be a part of our family."
The next day, we decided we were going to try to go out. We had heard it was peaceful and the US embassy hadn't called us, so we started to make our way. Long story short, and if you wanna hear about this 24 moment later, i'll be happy to tell you in person, it was not safe...the mob was coming our way... and TK got us out of there. It was epic.
I need to stop while i am ahead, for this blog could be about 50 pages of stories, but i need to end with this. Malawi is forever imprinted on my heart. God is not done with my heart and Malawi. I love everything about it way too much. Now i am praying that my heart and mind is open to where ever God leads me.... "Here i am send me"
Alyssa
Sunday, July 3, 2011
I can't leave yet...
At the beginning of my Senior year, i vowed that this year was gonna be a joke. My goal: to get out of this school as soon as possible and to get on to UTC; however today, i realized something different. As I sat in Pinkerton Park with the usual crowd playing guitars, taking pictures, and throwing frisbees, I truly realize how much i am going to miss all of this. I realized how many people i'm going to miss and how many things i'm going to miss when i'm going to move off.
I'm going to miss Sunday afternoons.
I'm going to miss Downtown Franklin and Pinkerton Park.
I'm going to miss my lovely friends.
I'm going to miss those carefree summer days in Franklin.
I'm going to miss passing off the guitar, because anyone can play here.
I'm going to miss my home church.
I"m going to miss visiting Kathy in the offices.
I'm going to miss playing John Mayer and Mumford and Sons in the Park.
I'm going to miss my small group.
I'm going to miss the spontaneous trips to Nashville.
I'm going to miss making fun of hipsters
I'm going to miss all the sass from Kat Kat and Kari.
I'm going to miss my sisters.
I'm sure there are more, but it all hit me today.... Bleh.
who needs to go learn?
I guess me....
I'm going to miss Sunday afternoons.
I'm going to miss Downtown Franklin and Pinkerton Park.
I'm going to miss my lovely friends.
I'm going to miss those carefree summer days in Franklin.
I'm going to miss passing off the guitar, because anyone can play here.
I'm going to miss my home church.
I"m going to miss visiting Kathy in the offices.
I'm going to miss playing John Mayer and Mumford and Sons in the Park.
I'm going to miss my small group.
I'm going to miss the spontaneous trips to Nashville.
I'm going to miss making fun of hipsters
I'm going to miss all the sass from Kat Kat and Kari.
I'm going to miss my sisters.
I'm sure there are more, but it all hit me today.... Bleh.
who needs to go learn?
I guess me....
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
I tell stories better in 3rd person.
Two days ago, the doors of UTC opened for around 200 students to register for their classes. One girl was kinda skeptical about the whole thing. She slowly walked through those doors with one emotion holding her back: fear. She saw the tons of people, and immediately came up with conclusions in her head. However, this voice whispered in her ear: "keep an open mind. listen to what i have to say", so reluctantly she cracked the door of her mind, and unclogged her ears. She began to see the upside as soon as she let things go. She branched out and made 5 bagillion friends, as well as meeting professors and seeing passion in these people she didnt think she would see. She met with the exchange student teacher, and he set a passion in her in which she didn't think was possible...
She found the summer reading includes a book about a boy from Malawi...
Her God continues to take her breath away.
She found the summer reading includes a book about a boy from Malawi...
Her God continues to take her breath away.
Friday, June 10, 2011
It is amazing me how much God is providing me in my life right now....
This past Monday, I was privelaged to play a gig at Hotel Indigo with Tori Bigelow and Galen Crew. At the gig, a bunch of opportunities have been opened up, and instead of getting excited about them, i kinda head the opposite direction. I worry because i will be leaving for Chattanooga in a few months... what if i'm leaving something really important behind me?
While i am thinking this, however, i know i can have fun now, and just go off to Chatt and if i'm supposed to do it, then opportunities will be opened...
ah... never thought i'd be confused about this!
This past Monday, I was privelaged to play a gig at Hotel Indigo with Tori Bigelow and Galen Crew. At the gig, a bunch of opportunities have been opened up, and instead of getting excited about them, i kinda head the opposite direction. I worry because i will be leaving for Chattanooga in a few months... what if i'm leaving something really important behind me?
While i am thinking this, however, i know i can have fun now, and just go off to Chatt and if i'm supposed to do it, then opportunities will be opened...
ah... never thought i'd be confused about this!
Friday, May 20, 2011
High School did teach me something!
A few days ago, my high school career came to a close, and i began to reflect on it. I began to think about what i have learned... Did i learn anything? Then i made a list.. and i learned way more than i thought: Some funny, and some serious, and some incredible.
1. Don't judge people- it's not your place.
2. Love each other deeply
3. Don't expect things out of people-they just might surprise you and go the opposite way that you think they would.
4. Dream on- You have your whole life ahead of you, don't limit yourself.
5. Don't care what other people think- if you do this, you will find yourself having less fun. I definitely had to learn this one, and in learning this, i found 2 of the best friends i have ever had.
6. Don't take life too seriously- have fun.
7. People watch and take note of what you do (especially if you're known as a leader).
8. Don't be afraid to shine out of the group. People will take notice and they will admire you for it.
9. Don't be too good for the underclassmen. They need you, and you might could impact them more than you think.
10. Go with the flow! (especially with dating) - if you stress too much it will only create unneccessary drama.
11. Don't cry at school (especially for girls)- you will get swarmed.
12. School counselors aren't good for anything.
13. Dress code is only important the first 9 weeks of school. (especially if you're a senior).
14. Don't hide your talents.
15. Find that one person you can confide in, and make sure to tell someone when you are having a bad day, it makes the bad days a lot less bad.
16. Don't let other people's opinions affect what you do (unless what youre doing is stupid of course)
17. Don't give advice unless asked.
18. 2 or 3 close friends is a lot better than 100 acquantances ... hands down.
19. Be on the attendance lady's good sides.
20. Run away from Mrs. Zartman and Mrs. Mcabee... especially when you're outta dress code..
The number one thing i learned is how fast time flies. On the first day of freshman year, they told us that we would be Seniors before we knew it, and we all just kinda laughed, but it's so true.
Time flies when you're having fun i guess...;)
1. Don't judge people- it's not your place.
2. Love each other deeply
3. Don't expect things out of people-they just might surprise you and go the opposite way that you think they would.
4. Dream on- You have your whole life ahead of you, don't limit yourself.
5. Don't care what other people think- if you do this, you will find yourself having less fun. I definitely had to learn this one, and in learning this, i found 2 of the best friends i have ever had.
6. Don't take life too seriously- have fun.
7. People watch and take note of what you do (especially if you're known as a leader).
8. Don't be afraid to shine out of the group. People will take notice and they will admire you for it.
9. Don't be too good for the underclassmen. They need you, and you might could impact them more than you think.
10. Go with the flow! (especially with dating) - if you stress too much it will only create unneccessary drama.
11. Don't cry at school (especially for girls)- you will get swarmed.
12. School counselors aren't good for anything.
13. Dress code is only important the first 9 weeks of school. (especially if you're a senior).
14. Don't hide your talents.
15. Find that one person you can confide in, and make sure to tell someone when you are having a bad day, it makes the bad days a lot less bad.
16. Don't let other people's opinions affect what you do (unless what youre doing is stupid of course)
17. Don't give advice unless asked.
18. 2 or 3 close friends is a lot better than 100 acquantances ... hands down.
19. Be on the attendance lady's good sides.
20. Run away from Mrs. Zartman and Mrs. Mcabee... especially when you're outta dress code..
The number one thing i learned is how fast time flies. On the first day of freshman year, they told us that we would be Seniors before we knew it, and we all just kinda laughed, but it's so true.
Time flies when you're having fun i guess...;)
Monday, April 11, 2011
A Little Encouragement Please?
As I am getting prepped for my trip to Malawi, there are many things that need to be done!
1) I need a passport.
2) I need $3,500 by mid-may
3) I need to be praying hard for this trip.
4) I need shots.
And there are many more things i need in order to go.
The other day, I was talking to one of my best friends, and Satan picked that opportunity to get under my skin. As I was sharing my heart about how ecstatic I was to go on this trip, but how stressed I was about the money, my friend looked at me and said, "Alyssa, can I ask a question?" of course i told her yes... and she proceeded to say "Well, why don't you save your money for more important things, like college? I just don't understand why you need to go so bad."
I literally looked at her with the most intent look and said "you don't get it at all. God has placed this passion in my heart, and he told me to go, so i am going. I have no idea how the funds are gonna come in, but I believe that my God is big enough to provide that for me..."
She gave me a dumbfounded look, and i walked off, in order to keep from saying anything else.
My God does provide. He sent me about $400 this past week.
Satan, you tried, and you failed. Good luck next time.
1) I need a passport.
2) I need $3,500 by mid-may
3) I need to be praying hard for this trip.
4) I need shots.
And there are many more things i need in order to go.
The other day, I was talking to one of my best friends, and Satan picked that opportunity to get under my skin. As I was sharing my heart about how ecstatic I was to go on this trip, but how stressed I was about the money, my friend looked at me and said, "Alyssa, can I ask a question?" of course i told her yes... and she proceeded to say "Well, why don't you save your money for more important things, like college? I just don't understand why you need to go so bad."
I literally looked at her with the most intent look and said "you don't get it at all. God has placed this passion in my heart, and he told me to go, so i am going. I have no idea how the funds are gonna come in, but I believe that my God is big enough to provide that for me..."
She gave me a dumbfounded look, and i walked off, in order to keep from saying anything else.
My God does provide. He sent me about $400 this past week.
Satan, you tried, and you failed. Good luck next time.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
The past few weeks, I have been doing something that has been very very hard for me: relying on God every morning in order for me to be calm and know everything will be ok.
I am going to Malawi in July and I have to raise over $3,000 dollars in the next month... I am incredibly stressed, but there is a strong voice in the back of my head that is telling me, "Alyssa, I've got this!"
I have heard the stories, from my own sister, in which she got the money right when she needed it, and i am already beginning to see this happening. It is very difficult for me, however, to just "Be still and know".
In the past week, i'm beginning to see many miracles... God is getting my cds, in which i didn't even expect to sell, being sold for $5 a piece. I sold 5 of them yesterday!!! 5!!!! This cd was only supposed to be for my sister who was going to Africa and wanted one!!
Also, i am working a lot and i am making bank. I made enough money yesterday to get my passport.
God continues to whisper, "I got this"
And i continue to wait.
I am going to Malawi in July and I have to raise over $3,000 dollars in the next month... I am incredibly stressed, but there is a strong voice in the back of my head that is telling me, "Alyssa, I've got this!"
I have heard the stories, from my own sister, in which she got the money right when she needed it, and i am already beginning to see this happening. It is very difficult for me, however, to just "Be still and know".
In the past week, i'm beginning to see many miracles... God is getting my cds, in which i didn't even expect to sell, being sold for $5 a piece. I sold 5 of them yesterday!!! 5!!!! This cd was only supposed to be for my sister who was going to Africa and wanted one!!
Also, i am working a lot and i am making bank. I made enough money yesterday to get my passport.
God continues to whisper, "I got this"
And i continue to wait.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
The Past Few Months
A lot has been happening with me for the past few months, but I haven't really had the chance to write about it until now. God has really been moving in my life in incredible ways and I am so excited to see what is going to come out of all this.
A couple months ago, I was doing a project on the photographer Dorthea Lange. This incredible lady kindled a passion in me.. she said this:
"While there is perhaps a province in which the photograph can tell us nothing more than what we see with our own eyes, there is another in which it proves to us how little our eyes permits us to see."
This kindled a burning desire to show people what they wouldn't normally be able to see through a picture. I want to show culture, passion, desire, and emotions through one single frame. I began to conveniently run into people who have the same heart as I do, and I was deeply encouraged by this. The passion never left.
Finally, one night, I was laying in my bed and I prayed for Christ to give me an opportunity to branch out and to try out this idea He has placed in my mind. I prayed specifically for a mission trip through the church i could go on. Literally the next day, an application to go to Malawi was placed in my hand. I will be obedient.
I believe Christ wants me to go there, but in order for this to occur, I must raise about $3,000 by mid-may. I am only SLIGHTLY freaking out, but the fact is that if i am really supposed to go, God will make a way for me to get there. Please be praying for patience and peace on my part. The lyric "My God is the God who provides" continues to play throughout my head and I just need to continue to believe it!
A couple months ago, I was doing a project on the photographer Dorthea Lange. This incredible lady kindled a passion in me.. she said this:
"While there is perhaps a province in which the photograph can tell us nothing more than what we see with our own eyes, there is another in which it proves to us how little our eyes permits us to see."
This kindled a burning desire to show people what they wouldn't normally be able to see through a picture. I want to show culture, passion, desire, and emotions through one single frame. I began to conveniently run into people who have the same heart as I do, and I was deeply encouraged by this. The passion never left.
Finally, one night, I was laying in my bed and I prayed for Christ to give me an opportunity to branch out and to try out this idea He has placed in my mind. I prayed specifically for a mission trip through the church i could go on. Literally the next day, an application to go to Malawi was placed in my hand. I will be obedient.
I believe Christ wants me to go there, but in order for this to occur, I must raise about $3,000 by mid-may. I am only SLIGHTLY freaking out, but the fact is that if i am really supposed to go, God will make a way for me to get there. Please be praying for patience and peace on my part. The lyric "My God is the God who provides" continues to play throughout my head and I just need to continue to believe it!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
The Scream
So lately, I have had this strong connection with a certain song I wrote a few years back. I played it with my sister for some friends this weekend, and it was as if something about it tugged on my heart. It was then as if God was saying "Alyssa, remember why you wrote it."
This song, in fact, did not start out as a song at all. It all started as a cry out, a passionate cry to God. Sophomore year, while having a depression relapse, I sat in my room and began to write down everything I was thinking. At first, it started out as just a couplet rhyme, then it turned into a whole poem, or psalm.
This was written on 12/29/08:
I long for you but you are already here.
I search for you when you are standing next to me.
I look through the mountains day-by-day in the hope to be able to get a glimpse of you on the horizon.
When I asked where you were, you say: I created that sunset just for you, daughter.
I search through everything of the world to satisfy.
Even when i know You alone can do that.
I dream of you and ask why i don't actually see it happening.
You say: your heart is open but your mind is unsure.
My heart detests my mind for holding me back from your love.
I wonder EVERYDAY why you love ME?!
You respond: don't ask, just recieve and spread.
I scream all through the night, hoping for an answer.
But you are whispering.
I can't hear you through all my noise.
Those demons whisper that I'm not good enough
They lure me in, and then leave me out to dry.
But you stay and console me when i cry.
You soak me in your glorious rain.
Your rain soaks through all my dry cracks and crevaces,
leaving me to thirst no more.
My heart is longing for more of you, Daddy.
My feet long to walk your path.
However, the world and my mind hold me back from you.
The world showers me with words made of knives.
I try to ignore the knives that are sticking into my back,
but they enable me to stand.
You are the only one who can cause those deep wounds to heal.
You pull out the knives and wipe my scars and bloody heart
You clear the tears from my eyes.
And you hold me
And you comfort me
And I cry out to You.
You cry with me
And put all my burdens I gave to you on YOUR shoulders.
Willingly.
It is amazing when God takes a hold of your pen...
it's amazing where He'll take it.
This song, in fact, did not start out as a song at all. It all started as a cry out, a passionate cry to God. Sophomore year, while having a depression relapse, I sat in my room and began to write down everything I was thinking. At first, it started out as just a couplet rhyme, then it turned into a whole poem, or psalm.
This was written on 12/29/08:
I long for you but you are already here.
I search for you when you are standing next to me.
I look through the mountains day-by-day in the hope to be able to get a glimpse of you on the horizon.
When I asked where you were, you say: I created that sunset just for you, daughter.
I search through everything of the world to satisfy.
Even when i know You alone can do that.
I dream of you and ask why i don't actually see it happening.
You say: your heart is open but your mind is unsure.
My heart detests my mind for holding me back from your love.
I wonder EVERYDAY why you love ME?!
You respond: don't ask, just recieve and spread.
I scream all through the night, hoping for an answer.
But you are whispering.
I can't hear you through all my noise.
Those demons whisper that I'm not good enough
They lure me in, and then leave me out to dry.
But you stay and console me when i cry.
You soak me in your glorious rain.
Your rain soaks through all my dry cracks and crevaces,
leaving me to thirst no more.
My heart is longing for more of you, Daddy.
My feet long to walk your path.
However, the world and my mind hold me back from you.
The world showers me with words made of knives.
I try to ignore the knives that are sticking into my back,
but they enable me to stand.
You are the only one who can cause those deep wounds to heal.
You pull out the knives and wipe my scars and bloody heart
You clear the tears from my eyes.
And you hold me
And you comfort me
And I cry out to You.
You cry with me
And put all my burdens I gave to you on YOUR shoulders.
Willingly.
It is amazing when God takes a hold of your pen...
it's amazing where He'll take it.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Insights on the Bachelor
So here's the situation:
You are a 29 year old, beautiful, confident woman looking for her soul mate. You could try dating sites, or just sighting a boy in your local coffee shop, but no that would be too easy. You decide to try to be on "The Bachelor". You don't know or haven't even seen the guy that will be on the show, but you assume that he'll be cute and will have some sort of personality. You send in your picture and profile to ABC and pray that out of a million girls, you will be one of the 20 or more girls shown to have a chance with your mystery man.
Surprise!!
You have been chosen to have a chance with your mystery man. You are taken in a limo to meet this guy, and you're absolutely freaking out. Will he complete your fairytale? You step out of the limo, and look into his eyes. He's pretty stinking hot. You're waiting for that one connection, that one look. You slowly walk up the stairs into the stranger's arms. You embrace, he says "hi, how are you?" "AND NEXT!" You are rudely interrupted by a scream from backstage, and another limo pulls up with another girl in the car who has the same exact dreams as you do. You walk into the house, praying for a better tomorrow.
When you walk in the house, to your surprise, you see 20 other girls talking to eachother and waiting. You realize your chances are slim as you look at that one rose. That one rose that determines your future with this guy you know nothing about. Suddenly, things are rushing back at you. All the stuff you left behind is being flashed back into your face. You left behind your job, your family, and you put your future on hold for this guy you don't even know and that you have a slim chance of even getting.
I hope it's worth it.
You are a 29 year old, beautiful, confident woman looking for her soul mate. You could try dating sites, or just sighting a boy in your local coffee shop, but no that would be too easy. You decide to try to be on "The Bachelor". You don't know or haven't even seen the guy that will be on the show, but you assume that he'll be cute and will have some sort of personality. You send in your picture and profile to ABC and pray that out of a million girls, you will be one of the 20 or more girls shown to have a chance with your mystery man.
Surprise!!
You have been chosen to have a chance with your mystery man. You are taken in a limo to meet this guy, and you're absolutely freaking out. Will he complete your fairytale? You step out of the limo, and look into his eyes. He's pretty stinking hot. You're waiting for that one connection, that one look. You slowly walk up the stairs into the stranger's arms. You embrace, he says "hi, how are you?" "AND NEXT!" You are rudely interrupted by a scream from backstage, and another limo pulls up with another girl in the car who has the same exact dreams as you do. You walk into the house, praying for a better tomorrow.
When you walk in the house, to your surprise, you see 20 other girls talking to eachother and waiting. You realize your chances are slim as you look at that one rose. That one rose that determines your future with this guy you know nothing about. Suddenly, things are rushing back at you. All the stuff you left behind is being flashed back into your face. You left behind your job, your family, and you put your future on hold for this guy you don't even know and that you have a slim chance of even getting.
I hope it's worth it.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Peace
A normal Senior in high school would daily avoid the question "What are you doing next year?" and when that question is asked, they are completely unsure of how to answer it. However, I have the opposite feeling on it.
I am ridiculously pumped about what is ahead of me, and I love when people ask me what i'm doing because that gives me an opportunity to talk about it.
So here it goes:
Hi, my name is Alyssa Baldwin. I will be attending the University of Tennessee Chattanooga next year to study Business and Photography.
I'm soooo freaking excited.
I am ridiculously pumped about what is ahead of me, and I love when people ask me what i'm doing because that gives me an opportunity to talk about it.
So here it goes:
Hi, my name is Alyssa Baldwin. I will be attending the University of Tennessee Chattanooga next year to study Business and Photography.
I'm soooo freaking excited.
Friday, January 7, 2011
"Keep on the lookout for hearts..."
This week was not the best of weeks, at all. I have been brought down a lot. I found myself being angry all the time, and when I'm angry and don't let that anger go, it's easy for my anger to turn into straight up bitterness. I found my smile fading.
Today, my mom walked in the house and said, "Alyssa.. you have something in the mail." I opened it up and to my surprise, it was a letter I wrote to myself at summer camp. HK told us to write letters to ourselves and she'd send them to us at random. I opened it up and first opened up the letter that had all the encouragements from my close friends. They said sweet things I needed to hear. However, when I opened up my own letter and this is what it said:
Dear Alyssa,
Don't forget what you learned at this camp. Anger and bitterness continues to take a toll on you, and you learned to let it go. Don't let that back into your life. Look at the note enclosed inside and remember how many people love you. You aren't alone, no matter how alone you may feel. Don't let fear keep you from doing what God wants you to do in life. He's got so many important things planned for you, it's ridiculous. Don't lose your joy. People cannot strip you of that. Keep your passions alive. Don't forget to love deeply.
Keep on the look out for hearts,
Alyssa.
Today, my mom walked in the house and said, "Alyssa.. you have something in the mail." I opened it up and to my surprise, it was a letter I wrote to myself at summer camp. HK told us to write letters to ourselves and she'd send them to us at random. I opened it up and first opened up the letter that had all the encouragements from my close friends. They said sweet things I needed to hear. However, when I opened up my own letter and this is what it said:
Dear Alyssa,
Don't forget what you learned at this camp. Anger and bitterness continues to take a toll on you, and you learned to let it go. Don't let that back into your life. Look at the note enclosed inside and remember how many people love you. You aren't alone, no matter how alone you may feel. Don't let fear keep you from doing what God wants you to do in life. He's got so many important things planned for you, it's ridiculous. Don't lose your joy. People cannot strip you of that. Keep your passions alive. Don't forget to love deeply.
Keep on the look out for hearts,
Alyssa.
Monday, January 3, 2011
2011
As 2011 rolled around 3 days ago, I swore to myself that I would not make any resolutions this year that I knew for a fact I couldn't keep. I chose some "little" changes I can make throughout the year, one of them, I am beginning right now.
1. Start a blog people might actually read:
Yes xanga is nice, but I only had two solid viewers. (However, my last blog had 75 views... weird huh?)
2. Don't Fear Love:
It is so hard to let people influence your idea of love. Being hurt, being left behind has caused me to almost have a fear of love. I need to take my own advice and realize that people are always going to disappoint me, but that doesn't mean I need to run away.
3. Worry Less:
I, as a Baldwin, have the fear of not being in control. I usually have the stupid idea that if i have the wheel, then everything will be fine and everything will work out ok. Doesn't take me long to realize I am wrong. I believe I need to take less time worrying about what is going on, and focusing on living.
4.Take more time to do what you love:
I get so busy with life, that I forget to spend time to do what I love most. It is very important for me to remember these passions exist :).
5. Get Priorities Straight:
So many times of my life I forget to what is more important in life... I need help with that. :)
If anyone reads this, hold me accountable. I can't do it alone!
1. Start a blog people might actually read:
Yes xanga is nice, but I only had two solid viewers. (However, my last blog had 75 views... weird huh?)
2. Don't Fear Love:
It is so hard to let people influence your idea of love. Being hurt, being left behind has caused me to almost have a fear of love. I need to take my own advice and realize that people are always going to disappoint me, but that doesn't mean I need to run away.
3. Worry Less:
I, as a Baldwin, have the fear of not being in control. I usually have the stupid idea that if i have the wheel, then everything will be fine and everything will work out ok. Doesn't take me long to realize I am wrong. I believe I need to take less time worrying about what is going on, and focusing on living.
4.Take more time to do what you love:
I get so busy with life, that I forget to spend time to do what I love most. It is very important for me to remember these passions exist :).
5. Get Priorities Straight:
So many times of my life I forget to what is more important in life... I need help with that. :)
If anyone reads this, hold me accountable. I can't do it alone!
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